Thinking out Loud

Coloring outside the lines of Conformity

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Sometimes it comes from the very people who are closest to us. Maybe it’s your nosy neighbor asking you when you are going to get married every time she sees your partner and you leaving the house. Maybe you just got married and it’s your friends asking you when are you going to get a little one. Or maybe it’s your parents telling you what you should study or that you should go to college. Whatever it is, the pressure to conform to family norms and by extension societal norms is real!

It’s always a push to conform. Sometimes it can affect us so much that we actually start to believe that the societal norm is what we should want for ourselves. Sad to say, irregardless of our deep rooted feelings to do otherwise, sometimes we do conform. After all we’re human and we all have that need for love and belongingness. To follow the pack is not uncommon, nor am I saying that it is always a bad thing but for me, right now, I think it’s that “sheep like system” that starves our soul, reeling in our true happiness like a fisherman with a hook.

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Photo by Sean Thoman on Unsplash

Conformity and Passion

I came across an article in a local magazine recently with a quote that read “Light yourself on fire and people will come from miles to watch you burn.” I was like “Man, I’d love that kind of passion and so I started to ask myself for the umpteenth time, “What is my passion?”

Every single time I asked myself that question I would come up empty handed. Instead of asking myself what excites me I was thinking of ways to reach that level. Where my passion is so bright that it intoxicates others. I would think of things like going back to school, doing my masters, achieving a high paying job. Those types of things. Slowly though, while comparing my thoughts to the quote I began to realize I wasn’t getting the answer to what my passion was because I was looking for it in all the wrong places. The pressure to conform to what society thought I ought to do next, was getting in the way of me exploring my true self. The pressure to conform was like a roadblock towards discovering and acting on my passion.

So now, I’m on a mission to color outside the lines of conformity! I believe that when you know what sets you on fire, you can identify who you are. And once you know who you are, you know exactly what you want to do and don’t want to do.

John F. Kennedy once said “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.” In that case, don’t let the pressure to conform make you regret the opportunities you have now.  Break free and color outside the lines of sometimes because John Doe down the street don’t have to live with the decisions you make today. After all nobody can tell you how to be you!

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Thanks for reading! If you can relate, please return by leaving a comment or sharing it with someone else. xx

Featured Photo by Alice Achterhof on Unsplash

Caught Comparing on Social Media!?!

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Photo by Dietmar Becker on Unsplash

Ever picked up your phone, gone on Facebook, scrolled through and hit that one post that all of a sudden ruins your mood. It hits you…BAM! like a ton of bricks. You look at the status and then you start doing that thing….comparing!

Maybe it’s that Jane Doe just announced her engagement, John Doe just got the keys to his new house or Becky with the good hair seems to have all her shit together. Whatever it is reading these statuses tends to make you compare your lives to your “friends”. You start to feel that that person is doing “better” than you or they are receiving the blessings you wished was yours. Been there? Don’t worry, I’ve been there too. (And if you haven’t then kudos to you. You’re the real Champ!)

For real though, why do we even do that? Compare ourselves to our “friends,” who some quite frankly, won’t even speak to you if they saw you down the street. Is it intrinsic human behaviour? I don’t know, but maybe, just maybe those same people we are comparing ourself to are comparing themselves to someone else.

Just a thought though, after all I’m just piecing it together one post at a time!

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Thanks for reading! please like, share and comment with your thoughts on social media and social comparison.

 

Featured Photo by Dietmar Becker on Unsplash

Procrastination is the Devil! 5 steps that will help you stop procrastinating and start achieving your goals.

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Photo by Breakingpic on Pexels.com

We have all been there, some of us at the beginning of the year when we make those pathetic things called New Years Resolutions or maybe you were there just last night. “I’m going to start this healthy grind from tomorrow. Start my morning off with a good run.”  Yet, by January 2nd you can’t even remember what those resolutions are or you’re still in bed begging for an extra 5 minutes of sleep when you know the boss will have your head at 8:01.

Procrastination affects us all. Wikipedia defines procrastination “as the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished”…needs to be accomplished. There it is! It needs to be accomplished so why do we avoid it? Why do we constantly sabotage ourselves? Why do we prevent ourselves from accomplishing our goals?

For me this was it…for every great idea I had, I could think of a million ways of how it can all freaking well go sideways. So what do I do? I avoid thinking about it altogether! I satisfy myself by watching the latest episode of Power or Suits or Game of Thrones or whatever exciting show is on at the time. Unfortunately, when I’m all caught up with my favorite shows and alone with my thoughts, GUILT slowly begins to creep in, haunting me like a thief in the night. Don’t you hate that? You know you want to achieve that goal but doing something completely unrelated just seems so much more appealing. You’d like it to just go “poof ” and its done. Fairy Godmother anyone??

Sad to say we don’t live in a fairy-tale! Procrastination breeds guilt, stress and depression and truth is no one wants to deal with all that shhhhhenanigans so lets jump off that  never ending roller coaster and start with these 5 steps:

1. Recognize Why?!?!

Why do we procrastinate from going after our goals. When I truly sat and thought about this, I came up with one main reason. Fear! I procrastinate towards achieving my goals because I’m scared shitless! I dilly dally and go back and forth with my thoughts because the idea of going any further makes me uncomfortable. I am afraid of what I can’t control.

Fear loves company and negativity is its best friend! Recognizing this was my first step.

2. Positive Vibrations

I have been blessed with a mind for logic. Problem is, I can use that logic to provide me with all the excuses I need to carry on procrastinating. Carry my dreams to the wrong people and they can tear it down faster than a kid after an ice-cream truck.

When you find yourself slipping into negative thought, counter that with a positive response. For example, “I want to go back to school, but I’m a single mom who has to work full time” Guess what there are other women just like you out there doing the damn thing! Everything was impossible until someone did it. Use the energy it takes to find excuses and think of solutions. Surround yourself with positive people and positive thinking.

3. The Tried and True….Write the Steps Down

There’s just something magical about seeing your thoughts on paper. I was in conversation with a good friend of mine when I thought about writing this blog and she said to me, every morning write down just one word and you will soon realize that that one word is all you will need to start the ball rolling (Remember step 2?).

Start by writing your goals down, then follow through with the steps you need to take to accomplish them. Those steps might not be in the right order when your first start and that’s okay! Take out and put in as you wish but set a deadline for this.

4. Just Do It.

This one is simple. Whatever your first step is, carry it out. For me it was writing this blog post. The biggest accomplishments started with one simple step.

5. Celebrate

Here comes the fun! Always always always reward yourself at the end of each step.  This could be the slightest thing, from a tub of Haagen-Dazs ice-cream (don’t judge me) to a night out. Rewarding yourself reminds you that you are making progress, it takes away from the second guessing and it feels damn good.

What are the things you do to stop procrastinating?

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